A bit of detail about what's been going on with me (work combined with some spanking in the hope of their being more work completed). Also questioning what to do in a disciplinary relationship when someone's sick.
Thinking about blogging and being on-line, much as I haven't been lately, I wrote in response to something stumblingtaoest wrote about being judged on what he and his partner have been writing recently in their blogs as part of their poly-family breaks up and they're trying to pick up the pieces. Here's what I wrote, cleaned up a bit because I can:
I think I understand the point you’re making and try and bear it in mind where ever I read. There’s a tendency, especially via medium like a blog, to believe we know a person just from having read their daily writings. But even if they’re writing their true self, it’s at best only true for that moment.
P and I have experienced the other side of the looking glass of what you and Bridget are going through — neither one of us writes very much about problems our relationship has had over the course of its 12 years. And yet there have been problems its just we’re both quite introverted and when unhappy retreat into our own heads. But because the problems haven’t been written down though, they don’t exist on-line and we’re seen sometimes as having a frighteningly idealized existence and relationship. That’s a lot of pressure.
This was brought home rather starkly to me 6 or 7 years ago during a bad patch when I confided in a friend that I thought P and I might have reached the end (as it turned out we obviously hadn't reached the end, but rather an end) and they responded with "you can't. your relationship is the only thing giving me hope that I'll ever find someone."
She meant well. But ouch. No pressure there. Some fallout was that neither of us have felt great about writing real life stories for The Treehouse ever since, partly because we're both now conscious that it creates a falsely utopian view of our relationship. The other reason being the site needs a redesign and there's just been too much going on for P to find the time or energy for that project.
A good rule for life, I think, is to remember that no one knows what's going on in someone else's marriage (or sometimes even their own, come to think of it). And likewise, knowing someone via their writing is a long way from knowing everything about them.
Anyway, that's me on a soapbox.
Well, I'm back after almost a month spent in Portland with my family. It was an amazing experience I hope to write about later, but I want to thank everyone who posted and emailed their thoughts and prayers. Knowing you were thinking about this and took time to say so meant a huge amount to me and my family. I miss her and, as some of you expressed, am sure that I will forever.
I just posted this on the PB -- it's an invitation to lurkers on that blog to come out and post a comment. As much as it's completely true that all of us who write for the PB want to hear from our readers, I'm even more interested in those of you who read here. This is a strangely personal blog for me -- sometimes academic, often times kinky, sometimes political. That it goes quiet here too often is partly a reflection of good intentions gone awry, but also a concern about shocking or boring those of you who come here for one thing with having you find something quite different than you expect. Except that I can't imagine keeping up with posting on 4 or 5 blogs, there's certainly something to be said for the more single focused blog approach!
Anyway, this is to say that I love all of you who read here. Whether you've found me via the Daily Kos or one of my too kind blogging friends, are an old friend from ASS/SSS, googled hand strapping or tawsing, chicana feminism or however else you may have landed here, thank you.
And feel free to leave a comment. On PB I left my favorite book (Pride and Prejudice) which has been a life-long pleasure but here I'm going to leave my favorite song, something which changes often. This week it's "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter.
Many thanks to the amazing Bonnie at My Bottom Smarts for organizing Love Our Lurkers day!
I've changed the look of the blog.
While I really really loved my old title banner that Pab made, especially with its sweet roll-over, I'd grown to deeply dislike the brown tones. Plus I wanted to take off the sidebar calendar, add the topic cloud and, most importantly, add a "recent comments" section.
I'm not sure this is the design I'm keeping -- when my computer expert gets going things tend to improve a lot -- but the stripped down style of it definitely appeals to me.
Besides, I got to include an image of an nazar to protect the blog from any virtual evil eyes. And trust me, that appeals too.
So I was checking my stats and Google searches this morning (as you do) and noticed a couple of interesting hits:
And the one that filled my heart with the most joy, mean thing that I am:
However you got here, glad to see you.
Sorry it's been so quiet over here. Recovering from surgery this past December, I've been blogging at my other location.
But I had to giggle tonight at the keywords that brought some of you in....
tawsing
snape spanking stories
tawse
eltercerojo mija
tawsing on the hands
shadowlane school uniform pictures
hand tawsing
my mom and dad spanks me
tawse pictures
and, just for variety,
cherrie moraga chicana feminism
However you found me, I'm glad to see you. Hopefully I'll be writing something new here soon.
So today's web quiz?
| You Are Romanticism |
 You prefer to celebrate the great things people do... not the horrors they're capable of. For you, there is nothing more inspiring than a great hero. You believe that great art reflects the artist's imagination and true ideals. |
Sadly I was trying for surrealism. Personally I don't actually buy into that "true ideals" stuff.
Hmm...
Okay, I know these quizes are mostly bunk. At least I generally hope so. However parts of this sound a lot like conversations I've had with my beloved.
| Your Five Factor Personality Profile |
 You have low extroversion. You are quiet and reserved in most social situations. A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you. You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people. Conscientiousness: You have low conscientiousness. Impulsive and off the wall, you don't take life too seriously. Unfortunately, you sometimes end up regretting your snap decisions. Overall, you tend to lack focus, and it's difficult for you to get important things done. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything. |
You may note that the domain for this site is different then it was. The blog now lives at http://www.eltercerojo.net.
How cool is that?
The old address will work too, at least for a while, but you might want update your bookmarks or links at some point.
For this week's Sunday Brunch question, Bonnie asked:
Other than spanking implements, are there any toys you employ during a spanking session? If so, please describe your favorites and how they enhance your experience. If not, are there any such toys that you would like to own?
I wrote an answer in the comments section of her blog but I had to kind of rush it because a vanilla friend was headed over to take me to see The Devil Wears Prada (we ended up chatting for so long that we missed the film so went make-up shopping instead).
Anyway, this is an expanded version of my answers there. :)
My first thought was... nothing, we just do spanking stuff. I guess that just goes to show how much these things have become just part of wiiwd.
Things we use (at least sometimes)
Used rarely:
Things we don't have but I'd like us to get:
Most of the stuff, as you can probably guess, is used when we're doing scenes with a school feel. Others are for the very embarrassing anal play feeling.
Lots of people assume, because of the school uniforms plus the stories Paul and I have written that we do a lot of role play. This isn't the case. Although I've been doing scenes as a adult for almost 9 years, I can count the number of real role play scenes I've done on my fingers and toes. And the ones I've done with Paul on just my fingers.
Role play is something I'd like to do more of, but it comes a lot easier for me than it does for him and it takes a lot of his energy. While I enjoy being someone else (or rather, me as another self), Paul enjoys scenes most that are close to who he really is. And he's not my teacher, headmaster or daddy.
Plus, one of the first (and only) times we tried a guardian / child scene, we were both very new to this. My resistance got out of control and became very unpleasant for both of us, yet I didn't feel able to just step out of the scene. I guess part of me was too afraid of it failing and us never doing anything like it again. We hadn't even considered that he, as the top, might need a safeword and so he felt trapped in a scene that had spiraled away from both of us. It was just bad and unhappy all the way around... a terrible experience. The result? We never have played that dynamic again. And when we do play, I'm very self-conscious for fear of it not being good for him. I'm not sure we'll ever do it enough for this to really go away either.
Instead, the roleplays that I need seem to happen in my head outside of our actual scenes with the dynamic and scenes with Paul providing both fodder and release. Maybe it's not ideal. But it's pretty close. And very good in its own right.
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