Some of the discussions here and elsewhere recently made me wonder about my limits. It can be a hard thing talking about playing with someone for the first time, especially someone who I don't know and who doesn't know me or only knows me via my spanking fiction. Anyway, this got me wondering. What do I do? What are my limits these days?
In the past I've broken them up into lists for people when we talk about playing. These do vary, even within the stuff on the YES list depending on how I'm feeling and whom I'm planning to play with.
And yes, it was kind of hot making the lists.
The YES List
- school uniforms
- scolding
- roleplay (just talk to me about what sort -- CP is definitely my thing)
- spanking
- paddling
- strapping
- caning
- marks (bruises or welts)
- tears
- bottom
- thighs face
- slapping
- touching toes or holding ankles
- cornertime
- blindfold
- earplugs
The MAYBE List
- breaks in skin and bleeding (don't try for it, but it's okay if it happens)
- molestation roleplay
- hand punishments
- enemas
- plugs
- kneeling
- whipping
- mouth soaping
- photographs
- restraints
The PROBABLY NO List
- gags
- nudity
- sexual toys
- frat paddles (I'm really really afraid of them and not in a good way -- make me understand why they work for you and convince me you won't hit my back)
- erotic / sexual play
- electricity
The NO List
- permanent marks (you shouldn't be trying to scar me)
- verbal humiliation (don't call me mean names)
- scat
- urine
- sex / masturbation (outside of molestation rp scene)
- breath play
- hoods
- smoking
- hot/cold creams
- nettles
- nipple / genital clamps
Information about me
- asthmatic with eczema
- mild claustrophobia
- hearing problem if there's background noise
- don't bruise or mark easily
Severely allergic to:
- tobacco smoke
- cats
- wool
- dust mites and lots of other stuff...
Safeword: My safeword is SAFE. I don't use it lightly. If I use it, I would expect the scene to stop immediately and to be released from any and all restraints BEFORE any questions are asked. If we're going to do roleplay where I resist (verbally or physically), I'd like you to have a safeword or "dial it back" signal -- something that basically tells me if I'm resisting too hard or you're starting to feel bad about the scene in some fashion.
About Partners: What I want to know is about the other person's experiences, the good and bad and their fantasies. What are their limits as a top?
What I definitely don't want to hear are answers like "I'm into everything" or "Whatever works for you will work for me" or "everything you've said sounds just great, perfect." Aside from not giving me any good information (which is scary and makes me mistrustful), that sort of non-information is a total turnoff.
Playing with someone is an intimate act for me only if I know about the person I'm playing with. I don't want to play with someone if the scene is all about them "pleasing me" and me knowing nothing about them. Anyway, these are just some thoughts -- I'm sure I've missed a lot of things. What I find is that my limits move over time and depending on partner.
There are a few people who I'd trust to do pretty much anything. But only a few and that trust has been earned over time. Not just by a succession of good scenes, but by the fact they opened up to me and were honest. I know them and feel like they know me.
