el tercer ojo

Good Intentions

Okay, so I didn't get the party report written last night, though I did write this entry in The Punishment Book yesterday which was inspired by conversations at the party.  Those of you who know me can hardly be surprised by this.  It will get done by the end of the week and maybe by then I'll even have a few more pictures.  You never know.

Some more organized and diligent people have already done theirs:  Matt (his report is building gradually -- I may steal that style as it will make it easier then trying to write it all in one bite), Library Girl (very sad to hear about the loss of her grandmother), Fireman Chris, Sierra (her pictures are so great and make me remember even more about the party -- do check them out), sparkle, Adele Haze (the chick has spies EVERYWHERE).  See also the threads on Happy Tails and California Spanked Wives (can't remember the URL will add it later).  I suspect there may be some reports in the members area of Shadow Lane as well, but I'm too broke to join, though if you're so inclined they're doing something very cool where they double the length of whatever membership you've paid for.  I've belonged in the past and really recommend it, especially if you're single and looking for someone as either a long term or casual partner.   

PS.  I'm going to try and keep linking all the SL blog entries so if you have one on your blog and you don't see it linked her, write to me <mijita (AT) thetreehouse (DOT) net> or leave a comment here and I'll add it.  No, really I will, I swear. 

Looking Back on Shadow Lane

It's 9:30 pm and Paul and I just got back from Vegas and my sixth Shadow Lane party.  First on my list of things to do is send a thank you to Tony and Eve for yet another great event.  "Party" almost seems too small a word for days of social activities with hundreds of guests.  I don't know what the final count was (guess I could ask though) but there must have been more than 300 people there. 

We had a great weekend -- a bit different for me from other Shadow Lane parties as I didn't play as much as I have in the past.  One might say, however, that I opted for quality over quantity and only said yes when I felt like it.  This may seem obvious to others, but in the past I've been a little too likely to say "yes" without checking as to whether the person asking and I have the same scene or interests.  This party, for me, was more about spending time with friends, old and new, than trying to see how many spankings I could rack up in 72 hours. 

Anyway, I will write more, but I have to get to bed.  It seems unfair, but there's work for me tomorrow morning.   My longer account must wait until tomorrow night.  But with any luck, by then there will be a picture of me standing in uniform next to a spanking model so lovely and charming she almost broke my heart. 

Wagons Ho!

I'm all packed (think so anyway) and ready to leave for my sixth Shadow Lane party.  Paul has the car rented and parked outside.  He even burned some CDs for our drive.   I'm really excited about this party, though sad that not everyone I know in the scene can be there.  Will especially miss Niki and Cameron, both of whom are really special.  Cameron especially looked after me at my first few parties.  It's always so much fun to see them both. 

But we can't all be together every time.  Meanwhile I'm sort of awed by the people who will be there and are actually looking forward to seeing me.  Who'd have thought?  I'd name drop but feel a bit self conscious. 

Anyway, it's time to head out.  I didn't write a party report last time, though I sure should have.  I will this time -- promise.

Sunday Brunch and Shadow Lane Thoughts

I've been meaning to write this for a while, prompted in part by Matt's Shadow Lane advice post which he ended (well, almost ended anyway) with the tempting line:

Now maybe this is all just me. Ladies, what do you think?

Since I'm coming up on attending my sixth (good lord!) Shadow Lane party, it seemed like I should find time to answer him.  Especially now that we're only a couple weeks away from this year's final Vegas party.

But you know how it is with good intentions and all that.  But then this week Bonnie's Brunch question asked:

Have you participated in spanking activities outside your primary relationship? If so, how did you feel about the experience? What was your partner's reaction? If not, have you any desire, real or fantasy, to play with a different partner?

The short answer to Bonnie's question...

Yes, I've played with people apart from Paul, both before he and I got together (sparkle's husband, Fireman Chris, was the first person from the scene I ever met / played with.  We got to know each other as friends when we were both on soc.sexuality.spanking and discovered we were both students at the same university) and since.  Likewise, my partner has played with other people, though geography and personality have combined to make that more limited.   There are some dangers to playing with other people when you're in a committed relationship, but mostly it's been a great experience and we've both been happy for the other person.

The longer answer...

We've always tried to be honest with each other about what we're doing and early on agreed to have a sort of limited veto over each other's secondary scenes.  That's not really be something we've done much with in practice, mostly because now that we live together communication is a lot easier.  But when we were apart I had a harder time both with feeling insecure (Scotland to Los Angeles is a lot of distance) and those feelings would only be more intense when Paul played with other people.  It was less mistrust of either Paul or the people he played with then my own longing to be with him made more intense by the thought of him being with someone else.

If it's so hard, why do it?  Well, mostly because there's a lot of different types of spanking and one's partner can't always do all of them.  An example of that is role play.  Although Paul does role play school scenes with me sometimes, the best experiences I've had doing school scenes have been with someone other than Paul.  Not only because they were very experienced and very into the scene (and I knew it wasn't just happening for my benefit) but also because the emotional distance between us was very right for a headmaster / school girl scene.  The lack of familiarity added a wonderful level of tension and embarrassment (on my part) to the whole scene.

Now that I've written this about playing with other people, I've got some further thoughts. 

First, note that I mentioned being honest.  This is, in my opinion, key.  There's a wonderful book from Greenery Press called The Ethical Slut which is about sexual (including kinky) polygamy.  Being ethical, to me anyway, means being honest about what you're doing and who you're doing it with.  I don't sneak around on Paul, he doesn't sneak around on me, nor do I play with people whose primary partners aren't aware of what they're doing.  Why not? Because it feels wrong -- like I'm caught up in someone else's infidelity.   I don't want to get all heavy into judgments (well, not in this entry anyway) but I really really discourage anyone from getting caught up in dishonesty -- either your own or someone else's.   

Why? 

Because in my opinion it's already hard enough to feel good about one's kink and self and all that entails.  Why add feeling dishonest or unfaithful to the mix?  A number of vanilla spouses come with their partners to Shadow Lane.  Others don't come, but know where there husband / wife is and why.  As a woman, I've found there's no shortage of men who are actually available out there -- and the same is true, by the way, for women who are seeking available spankers.  Given that, why would anyone knowingly get involved with someone that's already demonstrated that they're dishonorable and a liar?

Since spanking is a fetish for me and not foreplay (it doesn't lead anywhere else for me -- it just is), playing with other people doesn't mean I'm sexually involved with them.  This is the thing I make really clear from the start.  For the last few years I've only played with people I know well, either as friends or friends of friends who understand what spanking's about for me and who I don't worry about getting overly "touchy-feel-ly." 

That leads me to another bit of advice for people topping.  Do find out before the scene starts how far you can go in term of rubbing and the like.  And likewise for the person bottoming, letting someone know ahead of time what's okay and what isn't, is a really good idea when talking about limits. 

I probably have a lot more to say, but this has rambled around enough. :)

Mr. Chivalry and the Thoughtful Granddaughter

Okay, as some of you know, I work 50% (though currently 80%) time at a graduate assistant position at my university.  It's not a bad job, though it can be both mind-numbingly dull at the same time it's also very very stressful.  This is one of the stressful times as I try and complete paperwork so that students can graduate on time.

They have a lot riding on their degrees posting.  This I know.   I don't just know it because I'm really smart and perceptive, but because I get at least one call every 15-20 minutes where someone uses the phrase "it's really important that I graduate on time."  This is then followed by their life story, told so breathlessly I can't stop them without interrupting them.  They're either:

1. about to leave the city/state/country, never to return
2. don't want to leave the country, but need their degree to post before their INS interview
3. must be a PhD before they return to their home country or they'll be inducted into the military (no, really, this one is for real).
4. have landed their dream tenure-track job but must have a PhD in less than 5 days or the job will be taken away (this, so far, has never been found to be true)
5. must have their degree post by the end of the week or they'll be paid on an "acting" professor scale (this is usually the case when they claim 4).

I don't mean to sound harsh about this.  I mean, I want them to graduate on-time too.  However, if my entire life were riding on my degree being processed and posted by mid August, I wouldn't wait to submit my paperwork until the very last day (when we receive more than 1/2 of the term's almost 300 student files).  It's not brain surgery or anything, but there's lots of bits of paper and signatures and the like that need to be stamped, verified and then entered into the computer database (making the process electronic means that something that used to take 20 minutes can now take up to 2 hours).

So against this background we have two really special people who have been named Mr. Chivalry and the Thoughtful Granddaughter. 

I've never met either of these individuals.  Mr. Chivalry apparently has a job that's so important he needed to send his wife to run around campus and collect all his needed paperwork and signatures.  In 100+ degree heat.  While she was (at least) nine months pregnant.  She'd rush into the office, holding paperwork in one hand, the other resting on the small of her back.  My boss and I agreed that with each day that passed (because of course paperwork over the summer involves a lot of chasing down elusive faculty) we could see the baby dropping.  We were afraid she was going to give birth to her child on the floor of the lobby. 

Meanwhile her husband was apparently at work in an air conditioned office and busy calling her to find new forms he'd "forgotten" to fill out over the 5 years he'd been getting his doctorate.  When we questioned why he wasn't doing any of this errand running, she explained that he hadn't wanted to ask for a half day off and waste a vacation day -- he could have done in an afternoon what it took her a week of running to and fro -- in order to fill out and file paperwork.  She, as he apparently had pointed out, was already off work anyway.  Her being 9 months pregnant didn't seem to enter into his calculations. 

We encouraged her to seriously consider single motherhood. 

Thoughtful Granddaughter I know less about.  But apparently she's Very Important (at least in her own mind) and chose to send her grandfather to do her paperwork on her behalf.  Her grandfather, who is at least 90 if he's a day.  Her grandfather, who has an English vocabulary of less than 50 words and who was left to wander the campus dazed and bewildered.  Also in over 100 degree heat.  His granddaughter, I eventually figured out, was on her honeymoon.

I finally ended up walking him around campus and explaining at each location what he needed, buying him bottles of water so he wouldn't stroke out in front of me.  Heaven help this chick if she ever shows her face around here.  By the end of the day I wanted to throttle her.

They've been signed off, the both of them.  Because it's very important that they graduate on time. 

Besides, I just don't ever want to hear from either of them again.